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Pickles and Flowers in the Attic

When I was in 7th grade, I became obsessed with Flowers in the Attic, a horrible but very popular and compelling series that had recently become a movie. I can't remember what happened first, but I somehow read the book and watched the movie and definitely found the movie lacking.  Until recently, I didn't realize how much of Cathy, the main character, influenced my ideas about sex and sexuality. In the first book of the series, Cathy and her older brother Chris and their younger twin siblings are a happy family with a strange last name. Their mother had married her half brother/uncle and gotten disowned so the children were raised far away from their mother's wealthy parents. Eventually though, the father/uncle/half brother dies and the mother is unable to handle her life so she, with the assistance of "the grandmother," locks Cathy et al away for 3 years until"the grandfather" dies and she can let them out. Only that never happens so the 4 kids grow up...

the night dad died

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The day dad died I went down, not knowing if my dad would live out the day but thinking he probably would. I took my running clothes, laptop, a frozen chow mein noodle packet, and Lonesome Dove. I got there at exactly 9:30. Mom was still getting ready for work so we visited while she got dressed and we talked about dad's medication and the nurse comeing. I told her I wanted to go running and she asked me to wait until the nurse came. When she came, she talked to me with such compassion. Dad was struggling to breathe - it came in spurts and stops and there was a rattle in his throat. I went on my run. Mom said she would leave when the nurse left, so I told her I would be gone only 40 minutes. I went up the road to Main street Mapleton. I was amazed at how it was only a mile to pass Uncle Roe's house, the carnesecca's two houses, even Pat & Albert's new house. A mile of my life that fills up so much time, but only 10 minutes to run. I took the highway toward the ...

8/1/11

My dad is home now as of saturday. we had his last dinner - chicken, cheese potatoes (she was late and made them at moms house - so lame.) Amy made a salad, I made corn avocado salsa and clam dip, suzette made homemade ice cream. it was crazy weird. he looked around at each of us. I hope he knew we were there for him. he hasn't eaten in 2 days now - that is so strange to me. I talked to suzette tonight and she reminded me what is in his future if we don't intervene - feeding tubes, drooling, iv's, forgetting how to swallow, choking, aspirating, pneumonia. it all sucks, but so does this. I hope that I am doing the right thing I hope I am not killing my dad. i hope it is okay that we are doing this. grandpa also comforted me - he is such a good man, kind and has been through more than his fair share. he still mourns grandma so much. i will be sad when my dad is gone. the nurse said it will likely take about 13 days which puts it at thursday or friday next week. that is c...