becky's own

The day dad died I went down, not knowing if my dad would live out the day but thinking he probably would. I took my running clothes, laptop, a frozen chow mein noodle packet, and Lonesome Dove. I got there at exactly 9:30. Mom was still getting ready for work so we visited while she got dressed and we talked about dad's medication and the nurse comeing. I told her I wanted to go running and she asked me to wait until the nurse came. When she came, she talked to me with such compassion. Dad was struggling to breathe - it came in spurts and stops and there was a rattle in his throat. I went on my run. Mom said she would leave when the nurse left, so I told her I would be gone only 40 minutes. I went up the road to Main street Mapleton. I was amazed at how it was only a mile to pass Uncle Roe's house, the carnesecca's two houses, even Pat & Albert's new house. A mile of my life that fills up so much time, but only 10 minutes to run. I took the highway toward the ...

My dad is home now as of saturday. we had his last dinner - chicken, cheese potatoes (she was late and made them at moms house - so lame.) Amy made a salad, I made corn avocado salsa and clam dip, suzette made homemade ice cream. it was crazy weird. he looked around at each of us. I hope he knew we were there for him. he hasn't eaten in 2 days now - that is so strange to me. I talked to suzette tonight and she reminded me what is in his future if we don't intervene - feeding tubes, drooling, iv's, forgetting how to swallow, choking, aspirating, pneumonia. it all sucks, but so does this. I hope that I am doing the right thing I hope I am not killing my dad. i hope it is okay that we are doing this. grandpa also comforted me - he is such a good man, kind and has been through more than his fair share. he still mourns grandma so much. i will be sad when my dad is gone. the nurse said it will likely take about 13 days which puts it at thursday or friday next week. that is c...